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Finding God

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Finding God

By Bethany Hawley


Albert- Very scientific. Always found making calculations and taking measurements. Very precise in all of his actions. Wears "nerdy" type clothing.


Sky- Very earthy and "balanced." Believes in higher order: crystals, yoga, meditation, and earthly spirits. She's wearing hippie clothes, loose and flowing.


Sally Ann- Army Barmy to the max. She believes that true Christianity is found in the strict order of Salvation meetings and traditions. Wearing her Uniform, hat and all.


Thomas- Doesn't even know if God exists. He's doubtful that they will find God, but was dragged along by the others. Has a "doesn't want to be here" attitude, and it is reflected in his clothing.


Brittney- Materialistic and shallow character. She should be dressed according to the current style, carrying a purse and constantly fixing her hair.


John- A true Christian who has gone to seek a quiet place to spend time with God. Should be dressed in regular hiking clothing, carrying a Bible.


This scene takes place on the top of a mountain. Characters enter one at a time, winded from the climb. A large rock is found down stage left.

Albert Enters, compass extended and map open, trying hard to stay on course.


Albert- OK... ok... I think, if my calculations are correct.... Then we should be.... (Looks over map) here! We made it! I KNEW I did the right calculations! YES! But... where is He?


Sky is following in behind him, munching on granola and carrying her yoga mat and a small knapsack.

Sky- Oh, do calm down, Albert. Put that silly map away and lets take a moment to thank the wind for guiding our path.


Sky begins to set out her mat (cs) and pulls multiple crystals out of her bag. Prepares ceremonial blessings. Sally Ann and Thomas enter (usr). Sally Ann is whistling "On We March With the Blood and the Fire." Thomas is obviously not enjoying himself.

Thomas- 18,965 feet. Do you know what that means? That means, (panting) that today, I have climbed 18,965 hot, sweaty, bug infested, poison-ivy ridden feet up this mountain with you lunatics. He had BETTER be here.


Sally Ann- Well, of COURSE he'll be here, Thomas. You know how the song goes. I mean... SURELY this is Beulah Land. God's GOT to be here!


Albert- What are you talking about?


Sally Ann- Oh.. you know how it goes! (Goes into full-out Army singing mode, clapping, and swaying) "I'm living on a mountain underneath a cloudless sky!"




Sally Ann- See? We've gotta be close to God's house here. There's not a cloud in the sky! God has GOT to be here!


Albert- Well... he's not... and neither is Brittney! Where is she?


Thomas- She broke a nail a while back and had to break for a full-beauty treatment.


Now in full meditation, Sky sits cross-legged on the ground, begins her thank-you ceremony. Others roll their eyes.

Sky- THANK YOU Mother Earth for your gracious spirit, for making a safe path unto us, the suckling of your vigorous bounty.

THANK YOU Sister Wind for guiding us to our destination, for the breeze that did cool us off and waft Thomas' smells unto other directions.

THANK YOU Brother---


Albert- WOULD you desist! Something is very wrong.


Brittney enters wearing high heels and a skirt, and has her hair down with a headband, somewhat disheveled. She is OBVIOUSLY not used to such exertion. She's so exhausted, she can't say anything other than whimpers and whines as she sits on the rock and pulls a bottle of Evian out of her purse.

Thomas- (Obviously amused) Have a nice hike?


Brittney- Ugh!! This is the worst day of my life!! Is He even here???


Sky- Nope.


Brittney- Ugh! (she falls back on the rock, absolutely exhausted and frustrated)

Sally Ann- Who's bright idea was this, anyway?


Everyone looks at Albert, who is carefully studying his map/compass. He looks up, abashed.

Albert- I.. I... I don't know what happened. I double checked my calculations a dozen times... but... I guess if God's not here, then I must've made a mistake somewhere... but.. where??


Brittney- Way to go, Albert. I should've known better than to follow a member of the chess team up a mountain.


Thomas- Lay off, would you? All of you wanted to do this. I told you it was a stupid idea from the beginning. Maybe next time you'll listen to ol' Tom.


Sky- Thomas, you have doubted the integrity of this journey from the beginning! I do wish you would find peace with your inner self... inhale Mother Earth... exhale negative energy... in Mother Earth.... Out negative energy....


Thomas- Is this chick serious?


Sally Ann- Alright, everyone! Focus! We're getting way off track. Let's recap, shall we? We all agreed to climb this mountain with the idea that we would find God at the top.


Albert- And now we're all here.


Brittney- Minus a few perfectly manicured nails!


Thomas- ...and no God. Surprise, surprise, surprise. (Annoyed and cranky.) I don't know why I ever let you guys drag me up here. I TOLD you we wouldn't find God. I doubt he even exists. (Others gasp) And now I've wasted a perfectly good Saturday climbing a mountain with you clowns when I could be sleeping in! GREAT!


Albert- (Trying very hard to come up with an explanation) Maybe I miscalculated the relationship between the distances of the stars in comparison to the feet Jesus traveled between Jerusalem and.... (Begins mumbling, trying to figure out the proper equation)...


Sky- Albert... you think too much. You just need to BE. It has nothing to do with formulas and equations. It's because of the stars!! We were silly to come at a time when Jupiter is crossing with Saturn! Of course the odds are against us. We must wait and return when Venus is showing in full, shedding her light upon the cross section of Mars and Mother Earth, showering us with luck and good blessings.


Brittney- Ok, that's like, the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Honestly, I'm not surprised at all that God isn't here. Why would he come to see us anyway? I mean... ugh! Look at your backpack! Where did you get that? K-Mart? Aren't we supposed to look our best for God? We look disgusting. Not one of you is wearing designer clothing. You look like you've all been shopping at the Salvation Army Thrift Store!


Sally Ann- Now wait just one minute! If you ask me, we could use a little MORE Salvation Army on this mountain! I mean... we don't even have a band! Everyone knows the Holy Spirit doesn't move unless there's at LEAST a 5 piece brass band! And we expected to find God here, when we don't even have an offering plate. It's laughable! At least I have my timbrel!


Sally Ann starts playing her timbrel and singing onward Christian Soldiers while the others begin to bicker and argue with each other. Meanwhile, John slips in unnoticed. He goes to the rock and sits down, taking his water out of his backpack and taking a drink. He then stands on the rock and begins to sing out to God in a still, small voice, "I love you Lord." Only then do the others begin to notice.

Thomas- (tapping him on the shoulder) Hey there, buddy. What on earth are you doing?


John- Oh, hey. Sorry... was I disturbing all of your fighting?


Sky- There is just too much negative energy on this mountain...


John- No, I'm sorry. I just didn't expect to find all of you up here. You see, this is kind of my place, you know? I like to come up here every once in a while to spend some time with God.


Albert- So He WILL be here! I was right! I knew it!


Sally Ann- Wait... are you a cornet player? Is the rest of the band coming? I have my timbrel if you need an extra!


Brittney- Don't listen to him. He's lying. Just look at his shoes. God wouldn't come just to see HIM in those ridiculous Payless sneakers!


John- What on earth are you guys talking about?


Thomas- What makes you so special that God will come to "spend time" with you, but won't show up for us?


John- Oh, no! I think you've got it all wrong. You see, I just come here to get away from all the worldly things so that I can focus more on Him.


Sky- I don't think I understand.


John- Back in the city, there are so many things that distract me from my personal walk with God. I get caught up in materialistic belongings, or in my routine at church. I watch the news and hear about scientific break-throughs and new religions and beliefs and before I know it, I find myself doubting and falling from God. But here, I can just separate myself from all of that and focus in on the absolutely incredible God who created all of this. (His arm sweeps across the audience as though it were a beautiful scene. Others take notice of the scene for the first time)


Albert- Whoa.... Has this been here this whole time?


Sally Ann- I didn't even notice...


Brittney- It's beautiful!


Thomas- Yeah... look over there! How cool is that?!


John- The truth is you don't have to climb 19,000 feet to find God. He's already with you everywhere you turn. We just get so distracted with our everyday lives we forget He's with us.


Sally Ann- (Sadly) So I don't need my timbrel?


John- Nope.


Albert- (Skeptical) Or my calculator?


John- Nope.


Brittney- (Confused) Or designer clothes?


John- Nope.


Sky- Or my crystals?


John- Definitely no.


Thomas- Are you sure?


John- Yep. God said "Surely I am with you always, even unto the very end of the age."


Murmurs of understanding.

Brittney- Well... in that case... (Pause) GET ME OFF THIS MOUNTAIN! I need my Evian! Is there a salon near here? I'm in MAJOR need of a manicure... (exits.)


Sally Ann- That's the perfect devotional thought for band practice next Wednesday! I better go let our band sergeant know, straight away! (Exits)


Albert- I wonder if I can create a working formula for the EXACT location of God at all times? I'm sure it's possible... (Exit)


Sky- Maybe I can work this into my sun salutations... It can be like... meditation for two... (Exit)

John- Oh good grief...


As others exit, Thomas hangs around, shuffling his feet.



Thomas- Hey... (John looks up). Mind if I sit up here for a while, too?


John- Not at all. (Hands Thomas his Bible)


Thomas sits and they both begin to spend time with God.


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